


the one with the (mostly) platonic marriage

by 2ndtolastrow



Category: Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Also features:, Crack, F/F, F/M, Multi, Underage Drinking, also the snaibsel can be read as platonic, and a hint of cheshroy, but i prefer to think of it as ‘theyre in love but not actually together’, one minor omc; minor jason todd; a bit of pretty much the whole team and league, so i went with the slash, w artemis at 19 and zatanna at 18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 07:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20254288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ndtolastrow/pseuds/2ndtolastrow
Summary: Wally West officiates the (unofficial) wedding of his girlfriend and her best friend, as told by Dick Grayson.





	the one with the (mostly) platonic marriage

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: underage drunkenness and hangovers, inappropriate behavior by a priest (as in he lets them steal something, as I realize that can sound pretty darn ambiguous)

Dick gets a phone call in the middle of the night. Not too strange, given his occupation of vigilante, but still.

He picks it up off his bedside table, barely bothering to check the caller ID. The heavily slurring voice of Zatanna answers. Pretty strange, given his caller ID had said Artemis. But they were hanging out, as they did every Halloween.

“Heeeyyyyy, Dick. We need a witness.”

Dick pauses, hesitating as he blinks the last of the sleep from his eyes. “A witness to what?”

“Our wedding.”

This time, his pause is one of sheer amazement. He pulls the phone away from his face to stare at it for a second. He takes another moment to decide on a course of action, finding his solution with the ease of a practiced tactician. “Okay, which zeta am I headed to?”

“We’re in Veeegaaasssss.” Zatanna yelps, and he decides he’d rather not question it.

Dick pins his phone between shoulder and ear as he detangles himself from his covers, and pulls on his shoes. Then a shirt. “Alright, but don’t sign any papers before I get there, you hear?’”

There is muttering over the line, before Zatanna tells him that Artemis has agreed. Dick thanks any and all things holy, and hurries towards the Batcave.

When he manages to find his way through Halloween revelers to the chapel that Artemis had managed to pass along the address of—sounding only slightly more sober than Zatanna—he spots the two of them quickly. 

Artemis’s sheet ghost costume has been (magically?) exchanged for an all out, old fashioned dress and face paint for full dramatic effect. He very carefully does not pay attention to the smudges of greenish lipstick and glitter, or the places where Zatrana has white paint on her face. She had gone as a dragon, but at some point, lost her tail. Dick had showed up here as ‘teenager in sweats with full bedhead’.

The two of them are tangled in each other on the front steps, seeming not to notice him until he’s only a few feet away and coughing loudly. 

“Hey, Dick.” Artemis smiles up at him, slow and a bit uneven. Her Crime Alley accent is on full display. “Me an’ Zee are gonna get married. Wanna help?”

Dick decides that it wouldn’t be the best idea to actually straight out say no, or remind he’s only seventeen. So he says, “And you’re how drunk?”

“Ehhh.” She tilts a wobbly hand back and forth. Zatanna giggles. 

“And you got the fakes where?”

She props her head up on her hand after only two tries, and grins her drunken grin at him. “Gotham, baby.”

“I thought I made them.” Zatanna pouts.

“Honey. I love you.” Artemis takes her face in her hands with full seriousness. “But that ID was trash.”

“Oh.”

Dick didn’t get enough sleep for this. “Okay, so you’re drunk enough to admit that, which means you can decide if you still want to get married when you’re sober.”

He gestures upwards, and then reevaluates the situation and pulls them to their feet. The two of them tangle over him, not seeming to care that he isn’t the one they were trying to marry.

“Where’re we goin’?” Zatanna asks.

“I’ll decide when we get there,” he responds, debating over whether it’d be too much trouble to just hand them off to Bruce.

Dick returns to the Cave the following morning, hoping the bottle of water he’d shoved down each of their throats (and the amount he knew Artemis had swallowed in the shower) had made their hangovers less terrible. And then remembering he’d been woken up in the middle of the night, and deciding they deserved the full blast. 

“Ugh,” Zatanna groans at him, bleary-eyed (and glitter-covered). She pulls her coffee in close.

Artemis doesn’t look much better.

“Still want to get married?” Dick knows he’s smirking. He doesn’t really care how much of little shit he seems like.

“Screw you,” Artemis grunts. “Actually, you know what, yes. I don’t care what Wally will say.”

Zatanna blinks, clearly disbelieving. “Babe?”

Why the heck not, Dick figures. This is just like his life.

It is then, of course, that Wally proves he’d gotten Dick’s text about putting Artemis to sleep here, and the speakers announce the arrival of B-03, the illustrious, albeit retired, Kid Flash. There’s a rush of wind, and a moment later he appears in the doorway of the kitchen. “Sup?”

“Artemis and Zatanna are getting married.”

Artemis’s face goes from “screw everything” straight to “frightened” for just a moment before the mask comes back together. 

Zatanna groans again. “Not so loud.”

“Oh, congrats, babe.” Wally speeds over next to Dick at the counter and holds up his hand for a fist bump. Artemis releases her mug for only as long as it takes to reach across the counter and meet it. “Can I officiate?”

Zatanna chokes on her coffee.

Dick grins. “I call maid of honor.”

Saint Seraphim’s Cathedral was the longest, and only, standing cathedral in all of Gotham City. It had survived everything from fires to floods to Mr. Freeze, and Dick had always wanted to get a closer look at how the Eastern Catholics did it.

Instead, he was dropping in as Nightwing to see if he and Kid Flash could get a priest to lend them his vestments. 

Hey, if it were to happen anywhere, it would happen in Gotham.

Father Matthew Anderson smiled at the two of them as they slipped through the front door. “Am I going to have to cancel Vespers tonight over a bomb threat, boys?”

Only in Gotham.

Dick smiles back, wondering if he’s supposed to kiss a Catholic priest’s hand like he would do for an Orthodox one. “Nope, no threats that I know of, Father.”

“Well then, what can I do for you boys?”

“We were wondering if you had any spare robes.” Wally got straight to the point.

Father Matthew blinks. “Well, I don’t know—I’m not certain—Why?”

“There’s a wedding I’m officiating.” He did not, however, bother to explain that said wedding was between his girlfriend and her best friend.

“I hate to deny you—“

Dick decides to put him out of his misery. “That’s alright, Father, we weren’t expecting a yes, really.”

Father Matthew hesitates a single moment longer, then grins. “But I don’t think Father John would miss his orarion for just one day.”

Dick and Wally share a surprised look. Dick raises an eyebrow, knowing his mask will show it despite covering them. “You’re sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I weren’t.”

And so it is that they leave with the long, scarf-like orarion of Father John Davis.

Dick stares Bruce down over lunch. 

“Wedding’s at sunset. We need a flower girl.”

“I’m a grown man.”

Jason switches between the two of them like it’s a tennis match. 

“I’ll babysit?”

“Hm.”

Dick sips his water, waiting for the offer (and ignoring Jason’s indignant noise).

Bruce’s eyes narrow. “Three days, no masks.”

“One day, masks allowed.” Offer as far down as he can.

“Two days, no masks.”

Dick debates further haggling. He sticks his hand out. “Deal.”

Bruce shakes, and Jason cheers. “You were in on this?”

“I’m already Zatanna’s best man,” Jason says, grinning a slim, mischievous grin.

“Now, there’s the matter of rings…”

Dick waits at the flowery arch on the beach, watching the way Jason bounces a bit, smiling wider than Zatanna herself. He’d just excited to be wearing a tuxedo, Dick knows. It’s pretty adorable. 

It’s Conner’s first time, too, and Kaldur is dressed in draping, Atlantean finery (on the A-bride side with Dick). Raquel brought out a lovely yellow sundress, and M’gann had found/made a pretty blue dress (both Z-bride side).

Zatanna looks at him and then the two of them share an excited glance. Red Tornado had already walked her down the aisle and settled in his chair, next to where Black Canary and Green Arrow were sitting.

The music shifts, and Artemis and her mother slipped out from behind the last row, heading along the carefully wheelchair-safe pathway to the (much more makeshift) altar. Paula looks as though she couldn’t decide between horror and joy. Artemis, of course, looks pretty damn good in her own tux. Bruce follows them in full Batman regalia, throwing flowers ominously.

Wally wolf-whistles as they arrive.

Paula gives a deep sigh before heading over to the front row, next to Ollie and Dinah. The three of them make a cluster of that same mixture of horror and joy. Red Tornado’s blank face doesn’t fit, though.

“Alright, folks.” Wally tucks his physics textbook under his arm and claps brightly, pulling out all his Midwestern energy. “We’re here today for the wedding of Artemis Lian Crock and Zatanna I-don’t-know Zatara.”

Zatanna snickers. 

“I figure we’ll start with the ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’ bit. Anyone want to object?”

Barry appears to be debating it, but Iris puts a hand on his arm. Roy, in the back, seems to be only keeping himself from doing so because Billy would probably break out in tears of sadness (to replace the joyful ones streaming down his face).

“Okay, so y’all got vows?” He asks, looking between the two of them.

Zatanna laughs and Artemis snorts. “Yeah, Wall-man.”

“Cool,” he says, and whistles again. This time, it’s actually to call Wolf, who trots up with a basket in his mouth.

Clark, their backup ring bearer, shares a relieved smile with a proud Conner, before settling into his seat. Artemis and Zatanna retrieve their rings from the basket, with proper ear-scratches for Wolf, of course.

He wanders to curls up on top of Conner’s feet as the two of them hesitate over who should go first. The problems of single day wedding planning, Dick swears.

He huffs. “Alphabetical order, ladies. Out with it, Artemis.”

“Oh, um. Fuck,” she mutters, and pulls an index card out of her sleeve. In a louder voice: “Not my feelings here, I just want to clarify.”

There’s scattered laughter as she turns the card right side up. (Dick realizes it’s blank, and nearly starts laughing right there.) “Zatanna, I love you. There’s pretty much no one I’d rather be up here with—”

Wally makes a sharp, indignant noise. 

“—but if it’s anyone, he’s standing here right now. You’re one of my best friends, and you’ve been there for me, encouraging me to be a better person, since we were just dumb teenagers.”

Raquel coughs something that sounds like “were?”

“Dumber, anyway. You are one of the best, kindest, and strongest people I know, and I want to be there for you. I want to be able to be there for you through all the moments that are easy and all the moments that are hard. I know we don’t have to get married for that, but I’ll be honest,” she says, “I’m mostly marrying you to spite Dick.”

Zatanna laughs, wiping tears out of her eyes.

“Zatanna, do you take Artemis to be your unlawfully wedded wife?”

“I do. Yes, definitely, I do.” She nods, still wiping off tears with her free hand as Artemis slides the thin, silver band onto her ring finger. He wonders where the ring pop engagement rings had gotten off too, and casts his eye out over the crowd again.

Nabu sits stiff, straight-backed, and shaking with Giovanni Zatara’s emotions. Diana smiles softly. Roy, turned to face where Jade hovers over his shoulder, clearly flirting and… Billy, hand covering his mouth in horror, and showing off a bright red chunk of candy.

Bingo. (Dick totally doesn’t suppress a wince, knowing exactly what those two sound like.)

Zatanna clears her throat, and he turns his face back to front. “Okay, wow. I love you, too. I’ve loved you since I was fourteen. I respect you, and you are so amazingly, wonderfully strong. Being able to know you is a privilege.”

Artemis blinks, several times in quick succession, and Dick winks at Jason. Jason winks back, their agreed upon ‘crying’ signal.

“I’m up here so I can punch someone out, and firmly say, ‘that’s my wife.’”

There’s scattered laughter throughout the crowd as she punctuates her statement with a series of stabs at the air.

“But I also want the privilege of promising you the rest of my life. I want the privilege of being beside you through each and every moment, good and bad and in between. I want the privilege of marrying you, if that works for you.” She finishes with a wide grin, not despite the tears in both of their eyes, but in conjunction with them.

Wally grins, turning towards Artemis. “Well? Does that work for you?”

“Yeah, it works.” Artemis’s voice is wet, but her hand stays steady as Zatanna slides on the emerald-studded ring.

“Alright then.” He opens the physics textbook up to a random page. “By the power vested in me by, uh, Hooke’s law, I declare you to be married. Y’all may now kiss the bride.”

The two of them go for the quick, chaste version of a lip-lock, but Dick feels that after two from Wally, it’s his turn to wolf-whistle. 

So he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments/kudos are always welcome  
Further notes:  
-will was asking if jade wanted to shovel talk zatanna with him. Jade: aw, babe, you recognized my love of threatening people  
Billy, an innocent 14 year old who didn’t sign up for this:  
-Z officiates the (real) crock-West wedding, and actually takes five minutes to pause and object  
-(At the reception of said wedding, Roy proposes to jade for will, not realizing they’re already married. It does lead to them renewing their vows.)  
-No one explains the circumstances of this ever. It leaves bart deeply concerned for a very long time that there’s gonna be a messy divorce.  
-Father John definitely missed his orarion


End file.
